How to Tame Your Advice Monster

We’ve all been there someone shares a challenge, and before they even finish speaking, we jump in with a solution. It feels helpful, maybe even wise. After all, advice is what people want, right?

Not always.

According to writer and teacher Michael Bungay Stanier, we all have an advice monster that impulse to offer solutions before truly understanding the problem. While well-intended, unsolicited or premature advice can do more harm than good. It can steer people in the wrong direction, make them feel unheard, or worse, disempower them from finding their own solutions.

So, how do we tame this instinct and become better listeners, problem-solvers, and leaders?

Why Giving Advice Isn’t Always Helpful

You Might Be Solving the Wrong Problem
When we rush to give advice, we often assume we understand the issue after hearing just a fraction of the story. But many challenges are layered, and the real problem might not even be the one first presented. Jumping in too quickly risks solving a surface-level concern while ignoring the deeper issue.
It Can Disempower the Other Person
When we constantly offer solutions, we send the subtle message: I know better than you do. Over time, this can make people doubt their own problem-solving abilities, leading to dependency rather than growth.
It Shuts Down the Conversation
Advice, when given too soon, can unintentionally cut off meaningful dialogue. Instead of exploring ideas together, the conversation becomes one-sided, leaving little room for the other person to share their thoughts or reach their own conclusions.

How to Tame Your Advice Monster

Instead of defaulting to advice-giving, try this simple shift:

Ask more questions.

Before offering solutions, ask: What’s the real challenge here for you?

This question does two things:

It keeps you curious, encouraging you to fully understand the situation.
It empowers the other person to reflect and articulate their true challenges.

Often, people don’t need immediate advice they need space to think, process, and find clarity on their own. By staying curious rather than jumping in, you create an opportunity for deeper, more meaningful conversations.

When Advice Is Valuable

Of course, there are times when advice is needed when someone directly asks for it or when they genuinely lack experience in a given situation. But even then, the best advice often comes after thoughtful listening and understanding.

Instead of leading with solutions, try asking:

Would you like my advice, or do you just need someone to listen?
What options have you considered so far?
What would success look like for you in this situation?

The Power of Letting Others Find Their Own Answers

Taming your advice monster doesn’t mean never offering guidance it means resisting the urge to control the conversation. When we stop rushing to fix things, we create space for others to think, reflect, and grow.

And often, the best support we can offer isn’t a solution it’s the confidence that they can find one themselves.