Why Good People Become Bad Bosses? And What We Can Do About It

After spending over two decades in the corporate world, across boardrooms, break rooms, and now Zoom rooms, I’ve come to deeply appreciate how layered and complex leadership truly is. As a professional with 20+ years of experience, a parent navigating everyday human emotions, and a woman who has both led and been led, the TED Talk “Why Good People Become Bad Bosses” by Jamie Woolf and Christopher Bell hit close to home.

It challenges the overly simplistic notion that there are “bad bosses” and “good bosses.” Instead, it reveals how even the kindest, most competent people can become bad bosses under the right (or wrong) conditions. It’s not about evil intent, it’s about human vulnerability, pressure, and blind spots.

Here are three things from the talk that resonated with my personal and professional journey:

1. Stress Changes the Best of Us, Even Without Us Realizing

The TED Talk highlights how stress and fear often distort behavior. Under pressure, leaders who were once collaborative and calm may suddenly become micromanagers or emotionally distant. It’s not always about power going to their heads, it’s often about fear taking over their bodies.

I’ve seen this first-hand. I remember leading a large team during a major restructuring project. The stakes were high, emotions ran hotter than usual, and despite all my training and empathy, I found myself snapping at team members, pushing for speed over clarity, and losing patience with ambiguity.

Looking back, I wasn’t being cruel, I was being hijacked by stress. That doesn’t excuse it. But it taught me that self-awareness under stress is a critical leadership muscle, and one we must build consciously, just like strength training at a gym.

2. The Pressure of Identity Traps, Especially for Women and Parents

One of the most powerful concepts in the talk is the idea of “identity traps”, where our need to protect how we see ourselves blinds us to how others experience us. As a woman, I’ve always prided myself on being strong, dependable, and nurturing, at work and at home. But this identity can sometimes create its own pressure cooker.

I’ve had moments where I stayed silent in meetings to avoid being labeled “too emotional” or “too soft,” even when I knew something was off. Other times, my desire to be seen as the “one who can handle everything” led me to take on too much, delegate too little, and become overbearing with my team, ironically hurting the very relationships I was trying to protect.

Recognizing these identity traps helped me pause and ask: Am I reacting to protect how I want to be seen, or responding to what the moment actually needs?

3. Power Makes Every Small Action Matter

The third insight is simple yet profound: When you’re in power, your smallest actions carry weight. A raised eyebrow, a short reply, or an overlooked acknowledgment can land far heavier than intended. Especially in virtual or hybrid settings, where tone and context are often lost.

As a parent, I’ve often reflected on how my child remembers the tone of my words more than the words themselves. It’s the same with teams. One of my ex-colleagues once told me, “You looked disappointed in that meeting and it threw me off for the entire day.” I hadn’t said a word, I had just been preoccupied.

This awareness changed the way I lead. I now focus more on presence over performance. It’s not about saying the perfect thing, it’s about being tuned in, consistent, and accountable for how I show up.

Finally

Good people become bad bosses not because they are bad, but because they are human. Stress, identity, and power can twist even our best intentions. But the antidote is not perfection, it’s awareness, humility, and a willingness to unlearn.

As a leader, woman, and parent, I know now that the true test of leadership is not whether we avoid mistakes, it’s whether we’re willing to reflect, repair, and recommit. That’s what makes a good boss truly great.

If you’re a leader reading this pause and ask yourself: Where might stress, identity, or unspoken power be shaping your behavior? And how can you start showing up with more presence and awareness tomorrow?